Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Love vs Infatuation

Here is my concise view on relationships and what makes them lasting versus a failure. It is all in what I have come to understand concerning love and infatuation. In simple terms, infatuation is being concerned with how the other makes one feel. Love is being concerned with how one makes the other feel. I have experienced infatuation on countless occasions. . . I dare say that I have never truly experienced love. . . hence, the reason that the relationships that I have pursued have failed and I am still single. :)

5 comments:

Ms. Liz said...

that makes a lot of sense Brett. Real love is selfless by definition. Mom says its the only thing strong enough in the world to make you forget yourself. Infatuation is essentially selfish in nature.

Very observant. Very cool.

Merrie said...

Welcome back Brett. I've missed reading your blogs. I have several thoughts on relationships and marriage that I would like to share.

The first comment comes from a person whom I hold in high regard, and that is my uncle, a stake patriarch. He told me once that after the infatuation wears off, marriage is about making decisions together. Where will we live? Who will work? How are we going to raise and/or discipline the children? Etc. His advice to me, during dating, was to watch how the other person acts or reacts when a decision needs to be made. How does the person comunicate? Is he/she open to suggestion? Does he/she always have to be right? Can he/she compromise? Is there arguing and yelling? Does the person use manipulative tactics such as the silent treatment or getting even at another time? This is a strong indicator of what to expect in married life.

A second idea that I was recently thinking about involved using an analogy of how two people would run a successful business. Let me preface this by stating I do not own a business, but I believe the foundation would be to create a mission statement. What is the purpose of the business? What is the intended result? What goals will need to be set? How will those goals be accomplished? How will the responsibilities be divided? What will happen when there is a conflict or hardship? In other words, a person when entering a relationship should be seeking to find out if the other person shares a similar vision for the relationship. Does he/she have similar life goals? Is the person ready emotionally and financially to be a partner and does he/she have the maturity to accept responsibilities and handle conflict?

As individuals we need to ask ourselves our purpose for dating. Are we dating for entertainment, diversion, and stimulation or are we dating to find a spouse? Then we may act according to our desired outcome.

the freshmaker *ting said...

wow short sweet and to the point.

Heath said...

An interesting way to explain it--and it sounds better than what I try to say:
As long as everyone is focusing on meeting the needs of their partner, their own needs will be met.

I'm pretty selfish, too, but I never made that connection. I guess I should work on it.

Liz W. said...

Very true, Brett. Very true...