Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Joke That Is American Politics

I earnestly proclaim that America is the greatest nation ever to exist on the face of the earth, offering the greatest protections, opportunities, and liberties to its citizenry than any other nation at any other time in the history of the world. The creation of our nation along with its government and constitution is truly inspired and a gift to all Americans from God who placed some of the best and brightest men together to forge our nation. That having been said, it is with great sadness that I earnestly proclaim that our current elected officials have made a joke of American politics and government. This is evident by the disasterous passage of the healthcare bill.
Our current leaders have said that the purpose for passing healthcare is to reduce costs so that healthcare is affordable to everyone. A worthy goal, no doubt. But what fools do these jesters imagine the citizenry of America to be? Paying through taxes versus paying through private insurance does not make something any more affordable--it simply makes a people pay more through a different institution. Furthermore, why would such a reform require over 2,000 pages of legislation to implement? I'm pretty sure that legislators could have written the bill with everything that is needed for true reform within a few hundred pages. What a joke!
And then to vote on the bill and pass it without ever having read through it--it appears that our elected officials are no better than my lowest achieving high school students who write a lot of B.S. in their essays based upon a reading assignment they have never taken the initiative to read. In my mind, there is no difference between those who voted "yes" for this silly bill and my students who are failing English Langauge Arts. As a matter of fact, I think I would prefer to have a 15 year old student who has failed my class than many of the lawmakers that we have elected, serve in government--at least I know the 15 year old will be too lazy to write anything into law that would be damaging to the American people and American culture and progress.
Reflecting upon this I have decided that I would like to run for public office, and so I am announcing my candidacy to the United States Congress. This is my platform (it is really simple):
I promise that if I am elected to office, any time there is a bill introduced which has a length greater than the amount of time offered to read it (lets say, for example, a healthcare bill that is over 2,000 pages in length with less than 72 hours to read it before voting on it), I will submit at least 100 pages of legislation to be included in the bill. The majority of the legislation will be sound law that does not infringe upon the rights of the individual or of families within the United States, but imbeded within the 100 pages I will include little clauses that nobody will read until after the passing of the bill that will expose the jesters, er. . . I mean lawmakers, for what they truly are. For example, if I were a congressman at the time of the passage of the healthcare bill I would have written the following into the bill:
1. Upon passage of this law, The President of the United States will recind all power and authority of his position and standing to the people of the United States, will step down from office, and a special election will be held in November 2010 for the Presidency of the United States. (I just love the thought of our President pushing a bill that will unknowingly strip him of all authority--it would suit him right for signing into law legislation that he has not read).
2. Both the House Majority Leader and the House Minority Leader from this day forth will wear costumes on the floor of the house of congress that reflect the mascot of the political party which they represent. (Wouldn't that be awesome to see Steny Hoyer dressed like a jackass [er, I mean donkey] and John Boehner dressed as an elephant as they address congress).
3. The Speaker of the House henceforth will address the American people in the Swahili Language. (I think this would do Nancy Polosi a great service considering that she is always saying stupid things like: "We have to pass the healthcare bill in order to know what is in it." Surprise Nancy, you just found out that you must now speak Swahili or keep your trap shut--now that is justice!).
4. Members of the Congress and of the Senate will forego all rights to homeownership for the duration of their elected terms. Said members must live as invited guests in the homes of ordinary citizens according to the citizens' own will and pleasure. (perhaps then elected officials will begin to truly understand what the average American really thinks).
5. All members of the House of Congress and of the Senate who have voted to make this bill law must attend reading school, pay a fine of $500, and perform 500 hours of community service. (It would be much like an individual going to traffic school in order to learn the rules of traffic regulation, except they are learning how to read a bill before voting on it. The reading school will have the elected officials read the entire bill and be tested on it before they are permitted to pass the course).
6. Any other suggestions on what I might include in the bill? I would love to receive your feedback before I am elected and move to Washington to impliment my new vision for American Politics. :)

*Brett Hall for United States Congress 2010


Rachel said...

If you could include a clause that would get me a Slurpee machine I'd vote for you.

And I'd like to be on the campaign team. I'm really good at making buttons.

Brett Hall for Congress!!

CRL said...

I especially like number 4.

If you could bury in a bill that all public officials must have advanced degrees in critical thinking and ethics it might be helpful. If you could move all heavy industry into satellites in near earth orbit, that would be great. I would personally enjoy if the news coverage of politics was exclusively done by cartoons.

You have my vote in any case.

Jaclyn said...

You have my vote. I definitely think Pelosi speaking in Swahili would be a marked improvement.